I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

i want it. i want it so bad that i can taste it. i want tcu. i want jewell. i want anything to get me out of this place. i have always said that i would never go to mu. that mu would be a waste of time for me. then abbey and i decided together that we would go to mizzou, room together, and it would be perfect. well as everyone knows, things change. and things changed soon enough to where shhe now goes to ku and i am stuck in this hell hole because i waited too long. and it sucks. mizzou is not a challenge. it is just a set back. its a waste of money. let alone it just brings me down....physically and emotionally. im stuck in a rutt right now. do i leave at semester and be happy. or do i wait until next year and just tough things out. or do i just give up on the other schools because it is going to be too expensive. i dont know. i dont know what to do at all. i just want something else. something more. it feels like all this world is ever worried about is money. materialistic matters. and it bothers me. as i can be materialistic at times also, i do not need my whole life revolved around it. but then again the things that dont revolve around money...usually need money to do. for instance dance. in order to be an amazing dancer, you have to pay for the training and  all the supplies that are needed. someone could have amazing talent and no money to back that up. just with school though too. except in my case, im so miserable and mizzou, that my grades arent going to be great so when i go to transfer...i wont get into a good school. and it sucks. really bad. and i wish i could change it but i cant and that is something i will have to deal with. oh well. i over analyze way to much. but i just want to be happy. is that too much to ask?

well. here i am. almost done with first semester. at least not that much longer to go. and seriously...i just cant wait to leave. i probably wont leave for next semester. but i really want to start dance again. in fact i have to. but i dunno. i miss my family. i dont like mizzou. but whatever. no big deal. i am going to head to bed now. but i will write more later.